There have been many times lately where I've just wanted to kill myself. The thoughts just keep pouring into my head. I keep saying no, no, no! This is such a huge battle for me, and I'm tired of it. I do love life, and I'm curious for what's coming next, but at the same time, I terribly hate life.
I just want to live a happy life, but certain circumstances and situations in my life, prevent me from being happy. Or rather, I don't see why I should be happy. There are times when I do though.
Lately, I've just loved life, and I sincerely have, but the thoughts are still there! Haunting me at every moment. At times, I don't even trust myself driving, fearing that I may drive my car off the road. I don't know what's wrong. Its strange, and this is embarrassing to talk about, especially since most people's reactions is to say that I need to go to a psychiatrist and get medicated. That is not what I want to do. Meds seem to do more damage than good... I may end up dead quicker.
I don't know.
Random thoughts.
1 comment:
Hmm well I don't know why you feel this way but I know last year I felt the exact same way. And well I don't know what to say it never completely went away. I'm not always completely happy but I just try to push my unhappy thoughts to the side because there really is nothing I can do about my situations.
I just hope that you do feel better. I know I don't know you that well but I think I know you enough to say that you're a good person and you deserve happiness just like the rest of us.
:]
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