Just one of the guys.

I have come to realize that I am, and forever will be, just one of the guys. Its intensely and immensely depressing to know that is the only way men will see me. Men want girly girls, petite and pretty, of which I am not. My life is pathetic. My heart will always be broken. When will I learn? I'm hopeful to find the man who will see beyond this beastly appearance, and love me, but then again, my insides are just as beastly as my outward self. So what's the point? I'm tired of infatuations, but I can not stop myself.

My heart is broken.

I remember when I told Skylar I liked him years ago. He stated, matter-of-factly, that there was someone out there for me and I should believe that. I don't believe it. Then he went on told someone he felt bad for not reciprocating the feelings. Wonderful! I'm just a giant mass of pathetic nothing.

I am tired of this life that is mine. There is nothing good in it. There is nothing to be hopeful about. Why can't I just die?