I've said it many times

In the past six months, I have said that there has been way too many people dying. I don't know if its part of growing older, or its just random tragedies that have happened to be within months, even weeks of each other.

A girl I knew from my art classes at school passed away on Monday after losing the battle with cancer. Her name was Laura. We talked a few times. I thought she was very sweet, and a great artist. Its such a shame to have a lost someone so talented and amazing. I wish I had gotten to know her better. I wish she would have had more time to establish herself as an artist. I wish her family didn't have to go through what they are going through. I wish her boyfriend, who loved her deeply, wouldn't have to deal with this.

I can't comprehend the mysteries of this life, or the mysteries of God. Why some people die who are full of ambition, talent, and greatness, while others who are just wasting their time still live.

I wish I could understand. I wish I could let go of this anger and resentment. I don't know who I am anymore, or what I believe. I don't know how these tragic events can keep happening.

In my mind I'm hoping that there is some great tragedy coming up from which these people I've known are being spared from.

And even more so, I'm hoping that there is a heaven, and that God would at least be merciful to allow these people I've known entrance into heaven. I hope that the God who lives isn't the God I was told about, who punished all who didn't live like perfect saints. If there's a God, I don't think he's like what I've heard him described, and even if He is, I'll believe that He'll have mercy.