Where to begin...

Yes, I've been judgmental and I'll admit it right now. I won't hide from what I've said, or even apologize.

I'm sure I've made up my mind. I don't believe God exists.

I'm not a Christian, I'm not even a believer.

There are many reasons as to why I am now an atheist. Primarily, I don't see, feel, hear, etc God anywhere. Secondly, I don't understand how so many Christians who love the same God can fight and bicker so much, I don't understand how so many Christians can fall into sin, I don't understand how they can be such assholes. I don't. My understanding of the bible is that we are to become like Jesus more and more as we become closer to the Father, but I don't see that. Even in my life I didn't see that. I was there to please myself and to please people, but most importantly, myself. I always came first, so why keep pretending?

I have had thought it for a while, even before my brother passed away. I wondered where God was in my life, and then I thought maybe it was all just in my head. Eventually, I just stopped praying and stopped reading the bible, I felt the same. I still feel the same.

The last 7 or so years have been strange. I'm grateful for life lessons learned, but I also hate certain situations I was placed in. I hate that I was burned terribly by people who were supposed to be my mentors, and even more hurt by people who were my friends.

I'm tired of the lies, I'm tired of garbage spilled forward. I can be happy with or without a god. I don't need to rely on prayer to get things done.

There's a lot on my mind that I'd like to say, but I'm sure it'll hurt. I'll just leave it at this. If you call yourself a Christian, and you are praying for people, and you truly believe in God, then act like God would want you to act. Its as simple as that. It really is. You cut out your "sinful" self, stop doing the stupid shit you know you shouldn't be doing, and you cut ties with the people who are holding you down. I understand we're imperfect and won't become perfect overnight, but you're not supposed to be the person before you were a Christian and especially not supposed to be someone worse than you were. Why read the bible if you won't accept its harsh truth, why believe in God if you won't truly fall in love or obey him.

Call me judgmental, because I am. Call me a hypocrite, because I was. Call me a sinner, because I guess that's what I must be. But don't say I don't care for you or your well-being, because I do. I'll love you forever, even if I don't believe in the hereafter. I'll love you forever, even if we never talk again. I'll love you forever, even if you go on to become an internationally known revivalist or just a crack-addicted hooker on the street.

I know I will always love people, and I don't need the bible to tell me I should care for people. I don't need the bible to tell me to forgive. I don't need the bible to tell me I should feed the hungry or clothe the naked or shelter the homeless. I don't need the bible to tell me to care for the orphans and widows.

And I'll cut the bullshit, there are specific people on my mind when writing this and the blog before (not everyone will read it) but some will. There are specific moments and events and situations that also moved me into this decision. I haven't always been treated right and I know I haven't always treated people right.

So, I guess that's it. I'm an atheist. There is no God, but love, love is still the greatest thing in the world.